Wednesday, January 12, 2005


I often find myself questioning the “why” concerning the situations God allows in my life. Why would God give us a year and a half with Damien and Angel if He doesn’t mean for them to be with us forever? Why can’t we just have a baby of our own? Why does it seem like there is never enough money in the checking account? Why is our car insurance not covering the wreck we had last month? For that matter why did we even need to wreck? Why did my brother Josh just have a wreck that was nearly fatal? Why . . . why . . . why . . .
Isn’t that what most of us spend our time asking? When something doesn’t go the way we wanted it to go, we ask why. When life seems unfair or overwhelming, we ask why. When we can’t understand the purpose or the plan, we ask why. I always feel guilty for asking why. Asking why isn’t the problem –  never getting past the why is..
This week, when I wondered why Charles and I can’t have our own baby, God reminded me of the babies that He has given me to love now, and the ones He will bring into our lives in the future. When I wanted to know why it doesn’t look like Damien and Angel will be able to be with us forever, God used Angel to remind me that He is using this time in their lives when she told me she wanted to ask Jesus to live in her heart. I was having trouble understanding just why in the world our car would break down this month, when money is already so tight. God showed me that He will provide through the generous gifts of His children.
The why disappears and all that is left is the grace and provision of God. No matter what the circumstance, the heartache, the frustration, God’s love for me shines through. He asks us to understand that we may never know the answer to the why, but we will always know His deep and abiding love in the ways that He chooses to care for us – even while we are asking Him why.

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