I had an endoscopy last week. I don’t know why I was nervous because I have absolutely no memory of the actual procedure. It was a breeze. A few little hiccups at the beginning as they tried to start my IV (apparently I have very tough skin) but we finally got it. As my good friend, Christy, who was my nurse anesthetist, pushed that first blessed dose of Versed, the world became rosy pink, hearts fluttered all around me and I told Charles that he was my best friend and began to expound on my love for him. Christy rolled me away to the surgery room before I embarrassed myself too much, and things started to get really foggy. I do remember telling Dr. Cornell that he looked “quite dapper” in his suspenders. Really Brooke? Dapper? The last thing I remember is scrunching up my nose as Christy sprayed the back of my throat with banana flavored numbing spray. She leaned in for the second spray and I was gone.
Let’s pause here for one second…..why do they try to cover the taste of gross medicines with fruit flavors? Let’s discuss a few of my current supplements, peach mango liquid iron, cod liver oil with “great lemon taste,” and now banana numbing spray. Seriously, it’s like spraying a flowery air freshener in a poopy bathroom, all it does is mix the individual odors until you end up with a disgusting flower/poop aroma that is more sickening than if you had just done your business and left well enough alone.
Okay, enough of that rabbit trail, back to the endoscopy. The interesting thing about anesthesia is that it’s not like you lie there in blackness for 30 or 45 minutes. It isn’t like sleep where you dream or have a general vague awareness of the passage of time. It is one minute they are spraying banana spray down your throat and the next instant you are gently being shaken awake. As I woke up, I was definitely more than a little confused. The day before my procedure, I had spent about 30 minutes on the phone with a sweet nurse named Karen who calmed all my fears and anxieties. It was Karen who came to wake me up, and as soon as I realized who she was, I reached up and pulled her down for a great big hug. Not too humiliating in and of itself, not if I hadn’t done the same exact thing about 2 minutes prior; of which I have absolutely no recollection. I also asked my dapper doctor precisely the same question about ten times. Charles said that every time he tried to wrap up the conversation and walk out the door, I would ask again. I finally got myself together enough to get dressed, Karen wheeled me to the car, and as I stood up I grabbed her for one more big hug. Apparently, I am quite affectionate when under the affects of anesthesia. When can we schedule another endoscopy? Actually, let’s skip the endoscopy, just give me the Versed!!!!!!
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