Friday, June 17, 2011

tiny bruce willis

Melody, Finley and Charles are watching Robyn cheer and dance in her cheer exhibition. I have been having a lot of seizure like activity, without the whole eyes-rolling-back-in-my-head sort of thing. I look really quite attractive (or as Tyra would say – fierce) during these crazy muscle spasms, so you can imagine how much fun they are for one and all. Photo op, maybe? They are usually brought on by stress or too much activity, so I have been relegated to the house – per the instructions of my nurses slash dictators Melody and Charles. I may not get to be there, but, on the bright side, I get to stay home and enjoy popcorn, coke and a movie, minus the popcorn and coke.

I have surgery today to put in my port. You know the drill, I haven’t had anything to eat or drink since last night at 11pm. The last procedure I had I told the doctor I didn’t want to puke all over his suspenders – that’s what a little Versed will do for you. You feel a little drunk, ok maybe a lot drunk, and you really don’t care what you say. I downed 4 bottles of water last night right before 11, just so I could be as full as possible for today – I’m beginning to realize that’s not how it works. J But at least I’m hydrated! My surgery was scheduled for 1pm, but has been pushed back till 2pm. I’m thinking this no eating thing may be a good diet plan, I might drop a few extra pounds today.

Back to my movie of choice – Die Hard. I had the choice between Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Die Hard. You think I’m going to choose Sisterhood, right? Let’s all just agree here, Bruce Willis is H-O-T hot. No matter what age, covered in blood, or walking the red carpet in a white suit – he just looks G-O-O-D good. And while we are here – how can he pull off the white suit thing? I mean seriously most white guys just can’t do it. Personally, I only know one who can – Dwyer Scott, my chiropractor. Sorry, rabbit trail…….

I chose Die Hard, partially because of Bruce, partially because I promised Mel I would watch Sisterhood with her, and mainly because I can totally relate. Let’s just pretend you are watching Die Hard - go with me on this one…….and there is a GIANT terrorist, Chronic Lyme Borreliosis (CLB), that has taken my brain and body hostage. Hmmmmm, as I’m watching, I am realizing that Hans Gruber is a pretty puny little pansy. (say that 3 times fast.) So let’s just picture his whole team – Hans, Karl, Franco, Argyle, Tony, Theo, Alexander, Kristoff, Eddie, Uli, Henrich, Fritz and James as my terrorists. They are just running around in there willy nilly, shooting the place up with their machine guns.  And there is this tiny little Bruce Willis inside of me – I know, I know it’s a stretch. 

I just like to picture it that way. He is trying to multi-task, and as we all know – men are just not good at that. He is fighting and fighting, trying to kill the terrorists and to get some help at the same time. He is shooting his gun, while yelling and screaming from the rooftops while calling 911 – but no one believes him. “False alarm.” “Wild goose chase.” “All’s clear here.” “Just a prank.” Sounds like some of the doctors I’ve seen. But then, you remember the infamous scene, Bruce - John McClain finally gets some attention when he breaks a window and drops a dead body onto the hood of Al’s car, and then shoots it up with a big gun. Finally, finally, someone takes him seriously. It is about freaking time!!

My “body destroying Al’s car moment” was when I stepped through the door at Jemsek. I walked in and Anne understood everything I said. She didn’t laugh or say it was psychosomatic, she didn’t say I was seeking drugs or that it was just because I was a mother of 2 kiddos. She got it. The tiny Bruce and I shared a sigh of relief. He had to keep fighting, but at least now he had some help. The odds were a little more even. Plus, he didn’t have to multi-task anymore…and that was good for all parties involved.

Barefoot, bloody, glass under his feet, still H-O-T hot, the tiny little Bruce…..he never gave up. And neither will I. I will fight. I am fighting for my life. I want to be Brooke again. I want my life back. I want to go to - my oh so talented -Robyn’s cheerleading exhibition. I want to jump on the trampoline with my girls. I want to tickle Finley and make her giggle. I want to dance with my husband, ok – we’ve never really been much for dancing, but you know what they say about those who can't dance, they love.... J I want to run the Mud Run with all my friends, teach yoga again, get a tattoo, go skydiving…….I just want to be well and to do all the things I love to do and learn new things too. I WILL NOT GIVE UP TILL I GET THERE! You hear me Lyme disease – me and Bruce – we are coming for you!!!


  1. Oh Brookie, I know, I know! This is heart-wrenching - and awesome, because you are a great writer and a great fighter. Love you. You are in my heart.

  2. Brooke, you WILL beat this! We love you and continue to pray for you all through this!