Friday, August 26, 2011

the breakfast menu

the appetizer:

Waking up this fine morning at 10 am to a chilly appetizer of intravenous clindamycin. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy an icy flow of nausea inducing liquid running through their veins to get “up and going.” And by “up and going” I mean sitting up in bed with four pillows rather than snuggled in my pillow cocoon, curled around my cozy body pillow with my covers pulled up to my ears. Hey, but at least I got to sleep in till 10 and just wake up when I stop dreaming, no alarm clock involved. Is there any way I can wake up like this every morning (minus the clindamycin) once I’m better?


Cherry Pie and Cashew Cookie lara mini bars with iced coffee serve as the intermezzo - the sorbet to cleanse my palette for the main course. I have found that if one takes the Cherry Pie, lays it atop of the Cashew Cookie mini bar, places it gently on a marble surface, (and by marble surface, I mean the palm of your hand,) and gives it one good whack with the palm of your other hand, it turns into a Cherry Cashew mini bar. Yum. A la intermezzo.

the beverage medley:

First in our assortment we have chilled Cod Liver Oil with bright Lemon, whose flavors play off one another perfectly. Followed closely by Liquid Iron with a hint of natural peach-mango, one cannot deny the combination is simply delightful. Last, but not least, we have an impressive bottle of Mepron ca. 2011. Now, it must be said, Mepron is extremely difficult to come by. As any fine bottle, it must be ordered in advance. Then, of course, there is the financial commitment. You would do well to invest in this golden treat before it is completely off the market. Just one bottle of this glorious cocktail will run you about $1,600. No matter the cost, I love to imbibe my Mepron with a freshly pressed apple juice chaser close at hand, as the sun-bright color, gloppy texture, and rancorous odor, only add to it’s highly disagreeable taste.

the main course:

Appetizer, Intermezzo, and Beverages have all passed my lips. My digestive system is a symphony, awaiting only it’s majestic conductor. This fine morning, the conductor is a stunning array of twenty-seven beautiful little circles, ovals, cylinders and various other unnamable shapes. A multi-colored rainbow ranging from ecru and vanilla to goldenrod and ochre, exquisite upon a ginger colored serving platter. These lovely little bites of candy as it were, each play their own minuscule but impressive part in the symphony. They are the high notes, the ones that come thundering down to haunt you, forever. The Nausea and Diarrhea Symphony. Add it to your playlist.

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