Friday, January 20, 2012


I want a full-time assistant, no, a chef, no, a nanny, a housekeeper, psychiatrist, chauffeur, nurse .....i don’t decide.....

I’m looking for someone who can deal with quite an array of emotional, irrational outbursts and other dysfunctions.  From the lowest of the low pity parties to the highest of high diving unattainable dreams, this person will have to be able to seamlessly adapt to my ever changing highs and lows.

This must be someone who can hook up an IV with one hand while driving Robyn to school with the other. This someone should be able to figure out the universal remote while clearing dirty dishes. and simultaneously wiping a poopy bottom (Finn’s, not mine.) Someone who is prepared to eat frozen pizza or nuggets every nite, or to creatively combine leftovers for dinner. This person should enjoy crazy bedtime rituals, daily toy explosions, and spontaneous changes in schedule.

Next, housework is a must, so come prepared. Vacuuming should be a daily chore, oops, I mean pleasure. Spot cleaning the floor is fine (on your hands and knees of course,) but you will soon learn that comes with cat puke, broken crayons, paint, ground in cereal, spills of unknown substances and half chewed pieces of last night’s dinner. Also, the bathrooms. With a boy in the house and the fact that Finley is now potty trained, well, that’s all I need to say on that subject.

  This person will also be expected to do the laundry of someone with OCD. This is not to be taken lightly. The instructions are endless. Sorry. The kitchen, the kitchen is to be feared. Dishes, garbage disposal, disgusting counters and BONUS! a kiddie times.                                                      I am also looking for a good listener, an empathetic hugger, a tea maker and drinker, a card game lover. Someone who loves to watch a good movie, over and over and over and over and over and ,yes, over again. An amazing person who loves God, me and my family and has patience, lots of patience.

I can’t pay much, but in return be prepared for lots of hugs, millions of kisses and tons of “I love yous.”  Lots of laughter, tickling and snuggles galore. Appreciation that can never, ever be described. A friendship for a lifetime.

1 comment:

  1. Ooooh!! Pick me! Pick me! Can I do it?!! I will do my very best to be ALL those things!!! I don't mind cleaning cat puke, wiping little bottoms (been there, done that), I'm a really good hugger! Promise! :) I love you all so very much!